The Local Hospital Phone Call

A MAN called a local hospital. “Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients? I’d like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse.”

The voice on the other end said, “What is the patient’s name and room number?”

“Gordon Screen, Room 302.”

“I’ll connect you to the nursing station.”

“Third floor nursing station. How can I help you?”

“I’d like to know the condition of Gordon Screen in Room 302.”

“Just a moment. Let me look at his records. Mr. Screen is very well. In fact he had two full meals, his blood pressure is fine. He is to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours, and if he continues this improvement, Dr Cohen is going to send him home on Tuesday.”

The man said, “What a relief. Oh, that’s fantastic. That’s wonderful news.”

The nurse said, “From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member, or are you a very close friend?”

“Neither. I’m Gordon Screen in Room 302. Nobody tells me shit…”


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