You’re Bloody Jokin’

Readers send their best jokes to Ozbike

The Genie in the Lamp

The Genie in the Lamp

A MAN walks into a bar with a shopping bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter.…
The Irish Towel Method

The Irish Towel Method

SOME years ago, in a small coastal Irish community, Paddy married a woman, Maggie, half his age.  All was well…
The Italian Lover

The Italian Lover

A HANDSOME gentlemen named Luigi was relaxing at his favourite bar in the Olympic Village when he managed to attract…
The Financial Planner

The Financial Planner

DAN was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found…
Talk About Luck

Talk About Luck

CAN you believe it? This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last Wednesday and then finds the love of…
The Perfect Answer

The Perfect Answer

“I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” screamed my wife. “I’m really disappointed.” “You can hardly blame…
Las Vegas Churches

Las Vegas Churches

THIS may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic…
Mars Bar Bribe

Mars Bar Bribe

THE only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon ‘quick bout of love making’ with their eight-year-old son in the…
The Phone Call

The Phone Call

Ring, ring… “Hello?” “Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?” “No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom…
Seeing Green Spots

Seeing Green Spots

A young woman goes to her doctor’s office, afraid of a strange development — a green spot on the inside…
Another Great Day

Another Great Day

BEEN to the gym, then had a nice shower. I’ve just picked up a bottle of home-brew from one of…
Scotsman’s Big Black Beard

Scotsman’s Big Black Beard

A SCOTSMAN is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large…
Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs

Sign over a gynecologist’s office: “Dr Jones at your cervix.” On a septic tank truck: Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels On…
Red-Headed Babies

Red-Headed Babies

After their baby was born, the father went to see the obstetrician. “Doctor,” the man said, “I don’t mind telling…
Guess Your Age

Guess Your Age

Four old naughty grannies were sitting at a table in a retirement complex when old grandpa walked in. One old…
Doggie Position

Doggie Position

It has been determined that the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position. The husband sits…
The Perfect Man

The Perfect Man

A MAN walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and…
Fear ‘n’ Loathin’ in the Supermarket

Fear ‘n’ Loathin’ in the Supermarket

Y’KNOW WHAT I like best about diaries? They’re private. You can write anything you like and nobody will ever know.…
Teachers Comments

Teachers Comments

These are actual comments made on students’ report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. Since…
Irish Speedos

Irish Speedos

Paddy, who was on holiday from Ireland on Bondi Beach Australia, couldn’t seem to make it with any of the…
The Barracks Door

The Barracks Door

A MAN walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. 

A lady cashier walked up to him and said, “Your…
Four Grave Diggers

Four Grave Diggers

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there, I noticed…
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