I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.
She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!”
Thinking back, I really should have ran, but you don’t get offers like that every day.
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I screwed a girl called Penny. Is that spooky or what?
THE NEW DOCTOR
I went to the doctor’s office the other day and found out that my new doctor is young, female and drop dead gorgeous. I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don’t worry, I’m a professional, I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll check it out.
I said, “My wife thinks my dick tastes funny.”