THE judge says to a double-homicide defendant, “You’re charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.”

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out with great emotion, “You bastard!”

The judge goes on to say, “You’re also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer.”

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, with even greater emotion, “You rotten bastard!”

The judge stops and says, “Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I’ll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?”

The man stands up and says, “I’m sorry, Your Honour, but I’ve lived next door to that arsehole for 15 years and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one.”